*

10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

186

i never really finished my thoughts from yesterday and now i'm totally distracted. when the numbers spiked i was sure it was hormone central and the timing was right but uhhh so far nada. and i'm freaking out. there's a little bit of an i hate kids discussion going on in the links. i wouldn't say i hate kids, but i don't want babies of my own. i never have. i don't particularly want to get married either and that's a constant question now that the boyfriend and i have been dating a year. A YEAR. like that's long enough to know you want to commit forever. like fish or cut bait. it's never been my master plan to catch a man and get married. i don't dream about wedding dresses or floral arrangements, i could get behind the cake part though.

the boyfriend's co-workers are always needling him about when he's gonna propose. he says never and they tell him i'm going to leave him. what is wrong with these people? they also tell him i'll want children. especially that one guy who was discussing my biological clock at the company christmas party.* i don't want to be pregnant. thinking about labor makes me woozy ever since 7th grade science class reproduction section when i fainted and hit my head on a cabinet. lots of other people want to be pregnant, and that's great. i share the love of the tiny clothes and the little pink high top chucks. but it's not for me. that was the best part about dating women, no silly reproduction worries.

so, yeah, anyway...now i'm freaking out about the lack of no baby evidence. to the point of buying a test just to torture myself. here in lies the problem with a small town. it is guaranteed that one or several people i know will witness said purchase and half of them will work with my boyfriend and that's when the beautiful cliffs of acadia will look a little too tempting. i should be medicated.

but hey, i love having the old scale back. i am so turning the dial to skinny when i get home.


*i really don't like him

4 comments:

PastaQueen said...

I'm kind of middle of the road about kids. I could probably be swayed to have them, but it's not currently an ambition of mine. I'm not worried about the pain because I survived a 9 hour gall bladder attack, so I know I could deal. I just know there's a lot of self-sacrifice involved in child-rearing and that the woman usually gets stuck with more of the work. Right now my life is "The Me Show." I'm the star. But if I had a kid I'd be reduced to a supporting cast member while the kid's the star.

Amy said...

i feel like you should really want to raise kids to have them, not do it because you're supposed to. i feel the same way about marriage. it's just so expensive...to have a party and celebrate is one thing but weddings are crazy. i want more out of my life than to look pretty on one day for $100,000. people here don't understand either sentiment and that's why they're all broke with 4 kids at 30. it's not for me.

duenneschen said...

I honestly just want the reception. It would be the biggest and best party I could through. I love parties...My life revolves around planning the next one I plan on having. I LOVE themes. It's scary.

Anyways, maybe "hate" was a strong term. I just don't want them to get too close. ;) hihihi..no..I volunteered with a program that helps underprivilged preschoolers and I think I realized then that a lot of peeps have kids before they can "provide" for them. By that I mean not only financialy but also emotionaly and physicaly. These kids are starved for attention yet alone clothes. Having kids isn't just about having something to tote around but also about creating smart, interesting, fun, lovable individuals. I think that gets overlooked when people start to procreate.

Amy said...

yeah, you really have to be prepared to dedicate your life to another. like donald trump thinks he's a great dad because he's rich. how much time do you think he spends with his kids? if you're not willing to dedicate time it doesn't matter how much money you have.