i never really finished my thoughts from yesterday and now i'm totally distracted. when the numbers spiked i was sure it was hormone central and the timing was right but uhhh so far nada. and i'm freaking out. there's a little bit of an i hate kids discussion going on in the links. i wouldn't say i hate kids, but i don't want babies of my own. i never have. i don't particularly want to get married either and that's a constant question now that the boyfriend and i have been dating a year. A YEAR. like that's long enough to know you want to commit forever. like fish or cut bait. it's never been my master plan to catch a man and get married. i don't dream about wedding dresses or floral arrangements, i could get behind the cake part though.
the boyfriend's co-workers are always needling him about when he's gonna propose. he says never and they tell him i'm going to leave him. what is wrong with these people? they also tell him i'll want children. especially that one guy who was discussing my biological clock at the company christmas party.* i don't want to be pregnant. thinking about labor makes me woozy ever since 7th grade science class reproduction section when i fainted and hit my head on a cabinet. lots of other people want to be pregnant, and that's great. i share the love of the tiny clothes and the little pink high top chucks. but it's not for me. that was the best part about dating women, no silly reproduction worries.
so, yeah, anyway...now i'm freaking out about the lack of no baby evidence. to the point of buying a test just to torture myself. here in lies the problem with a small town. it is guaranteed that one or several people i know will witness said purchase and half of them will work with my boyfriend and that's when the beautiful cliffs of acadia will look a little too tempting. i should be medicated.
but hey, i love having the old scale back. i am so turning the dial to skinny when i get home.
*i really don't like him