the gap online store is having a 40% off sale. how badly do i want to click? it's killing me. there are two issues at work here: money and fat. when i made my budget i gave myself as much money for shopping as i could reasonably afford. it's a bit like dieting for the wallet. you can do a little shopping every month on a budget just like you can indulge in moderation on a diet.
i'm not sure which i miss more...the gap clearance rack or boxes of fudge rounds. tough. but also, i don't want to spend a ton of money on clothes that hopefully won't fit me all that long. i want to live in the present but be mindful of the future, and the impending thinness. i've been telling myself "there will be still be clothes to buy when you're skinnier". one of my biggest issues is feeling like i'm missing out and i'm working really hard on it. the shopping is just another facet of that.
however, i am planning to go shopping tomorrow. it seems like a REALLY long wait. a whole day. it's sort of a long story that when i tell it will show alot of why my boyfriend shakes his head at me in confusion. you see, there's this pair of pants that i want to try on. at my fattest in january i had to go for this job interview. i really thought i wanted this job so i had to get some decent clothes that actually fit. i went to the gap (read: the only decent store at the bangor mall*). i've fit into their 14 pants and 16 jeans for a long time (read: too long) but atleast i haven't gotten fatter. until this day when i had to buy 16's in dress pants.
the problem with buying 16's, above and beyond feeling like a fat ass in a bigger size than you last bought, is that i'm not 7 feet tall. in jeans i have to buy the ankle version of their jeans and still they hit the floor. they don't make ankle versions of dress pants because i guess you're supposed to have a dazzling selection of adorable high heels to wear with them. but i don't, i'd have to tailor them and then i couldn't return them (after) if i needed to. so i'm in a dressing room debating between the 16's that look relatively normal except for the 5 extra inches at the hem or the 14's that defy the laws of physics to hold in my thighs but aren't all that long. life is a bitch.
but a fat bitch, so i bought the 16's. the plan was to go home, weep, and then take up the hem. as it turned out something else i already owned and didn't cost sixty dollars and didn't have to be hemmed fit well enough for the interview. so i took back the fat pants. i've been waiting for them to go on sale since january. and now they are i'm dying to see if the 14's fit. despite the humiliating dressing room day, i fucking loved those pants. if the 14's fit i'm going to buy them. and then raise my fist to the sky in triumph.
*for anyone who shops at bangor i feel the need to add that new york and co. is also sometimes decent but is also often polyester imbalanced in it's selections.