i even checked the needle twice, 185. it's a god damn miracle. another miracle is that someone actually noticed the loss last night. 'course it was my hairdresser and i do essentially pay her to say nice things to me.* she asked if i had lost alot of weight and i said ten pounds. i guess that is alot, but not as much as eleven. from where i am right now, i think i'd like to lose about thirty more. i'll still be overweight by official standards but i don't care. ofcourse, if i set a goal i have to stop being a slacker. i've been exercising like a fiend but not really cooking for myself. cereal for dinner has become a reflex.
however, i bought a new cookbook: mark bittman's how to cook everything. it's not particularly diet-y, but i'm hoping it will inspire me to cook as much as that compliment last night inspired me to set a goal again. so thirty pounds. i've been thinking about it for a few days. i don't think i weighed myself before january of this year so i have no idea what 155 pounds will look like. maybe i'll be satisfied before then but i'm not going to push for more.
i've been thinking lately about how much fat there is that hides all over my body. i had been so happy with my new muscular legs and rump i haven't been looking at the rest of my body. looking at my neck and my shoulders and my arms i really see where 185 pounds goes. i worry most about my waist but losing my tummy won't make me a thin person. i want to lose fat there, but there's so much more. i think that's part of why i didn't think i looked like was losing any weight. if you lose a tiny bit from your shoulders and your ass and everywhere else you don't see a whole lot of change in the mirror.
so i'm starting again with the goal in mind. i'm also going to start running again. last time i started the three minutes a day program i was very determined to shed pounds so i walked/ran in the morning and then i walked at lunch and then i did pilates at home. that sucked. the shin splints alone made me slow down and i stopped running in favor of higher impact walking. now that i'm stepping (which doesn't bother my shins at all) i'm going to add running back. i'm also going to get some real running shoes. i've been telling myself i don't deserve to spend the money on them because i have perfectly good cross trainers. it's not the same thing to run in running shoes as it is to run in cross trainers and i wonder why it hurt so much to run.
so, recap the new program:
maintain 4-5 days of exercising, stop buying cookies.
mini goal 1. cook more, center on vegetables. i used to be a vegetarian for heaven's sake.
mini goal 2. get running and stick to minute program to reach 30 minutes of running.
big fat goal...lose 30 pounds +/- by dedicating self to above mini goals.
*she's rather overweight herself so i think she must have meant it, fat girls have acute pound counting super vision(r).