today i'm trying the carnation instant breakfast thing. i've done it in the past but i never really monitored the situation. it does the job of filling me and keeps me from being hungry until lunch. little does the tummy know that's what it's getting for lunch too! and then i'll try not to screw it up too much when i get home. fortunately i have a broken (broken as in hurts alot) right shoulder and a job interview tomorrow to distract me.
first the back, i don't know what i did to it. it hurts alot and it kept me from going for a walk this morning. it does give me an excuse to skip out of work tomorrow for the interview, but i don't know how relaxed i'll be during the session. the fat related part of the job interview is that i had to go clothes shopping last night. normally i love clothes shopping. i can usually fit into the gap 14, 16 for jeans. i was in 16 dress pants last night, and that's what i bought. i'm keeping the tags on as i am on cycle at the moment but i don't feel so good about the situation. i've really lost control lately as i'm not maintaining my size 14. it makes it really hard to buy clothes off the rack. i ended up with a twinset (because jackets need to be tailored) and some new shoes. and i feel ok about how i'll look.
i don't feel so good about the lost control statement. i never really had rules about my eating, but i used to make very different decisions. i used to limit the number of sugars i could have in my iced tea, i don't anymore. three iced teas at a meal with three packs of sugar. that's a hell of a lot of sugar. so that's golden rule number one from now on. no more than one tea, no more than one sugar. probably to be a proper diet it should be no tea and no sugar and only water, but i'm going to try to make small changes at first. small successes lead to confidence...cliche cliche cliche. but whatever.
i've noticed that alot of my problems stem from greed and a feeling that i deserve something. i stopped at subway for lunch last night. you know how when you order a 6 inch they cut the bread in half right in front of you. i'm always so pleased to get the larger side and pissed off when i get the small one. that is just greed. coming from my gut or something. it's completely irrational. i had another greed attack at the soda fountain. i always put in just a little ice so i'll get more soda. i don't need more soda. i filled that sucker with ice. it turned out to be a mute point because i accidentally took cherry coke instead of regular and i couldn't stand to drink it...maybe that should be the next diet tip choose something you don't even like so you won't drink it.*
in the reverse of that last statement, i cleaned my cupboards of junk food yesterday. my drawer at work had some tiny candy bars in it. ones i don't even like but were on sale or something. i binned them all. and at home in the junk food drawer i binned candy from last halloween. one of the plusses of the junk drawer is that i forget it's there, so i don't eat the stuff. but then it dies there. there were hershey kisses from last valentine's day. i don't even like hershey kisses. i can't remember if i bought them for myself or if they were a gift. another useful lesson is to not buy candy i don't even like. if you're going to indulge you should atleast enjoy it. why waste money and calories on junk chocolate when you could get some quality dark and like it.
enough of the rambling for now. hoping to get a walk in later if the advil makes a dent.

*backfire potential: extreme