so, i stepped on the scale. 4 lbs lost. i can't believe it. 4lbs lost for doing nothing. it's probably some kind of fluke. but i can't say i'm not happy for it. i suppose when you're doing nothing at all healthy and then you start being a little healthy i guess some change is possible. i never would have noticed it without the scale though. i'm really waiting for a change in the clothes. that'll make the difference to me.
today is physical day. part of me is glad to be a little lighter for that scale, and part of me is waiting to see what a professional medical scale will say. FAT. but really it's ok. i know i'm fat and i know how i got here and now i'm going back. onward and downward.
i've been doing really well with the walks, although i might have to skip it today. no lunch break to make up for the doctor's appt. it's still money that runs my life, not weightloss.
i bought a really cheap* haddock dinner for the two of us last night. i seasoned the fish with lemon juice and a bit of dill and it was really good. if i had made wild rice instead of french fries it would have been a bit healthier. i only took a few of the fries for myself, but i found myself picking at them mercilessly as i put them away. SAD. i've been a bit lax this week, knowing that i'm going full diet next week. starting sunday as long as i get my pills. it's been a little "have those fries, those'll be the last fries you'll have!" which is ridiculous. they won't be the last fries i ever have. probably they should be, but that's not a reasonable expectation. a few fries, and very possibly sweet potato fries for the future, not no fries. i can live with wheat pasta and pumpernickel bread and less candy, but i couldn't make a life with no candy EVER.
man, i think about food alot. i'm also thinking about the calorie counter and how many calories i'm burning when i type. 16 per ten minutes or something. better than naught. i'm obsessed with losing faster, who isn't. but i really don't want to be one of those yo yo people. i want to strike a balance where my clothes fit better but i'm not denying myself everything. i think they call that dragging your ass to the gym.

*cheap i say to remind myself how little it costs to eat well. 3 dollars in fish and it served two with lunch for the boyfriend.